Biological Father vs. Adoptive Father

My parents divorced when I was six years old. My father cheated on my mother so she left him. Two years later she remarried and her husband adopted my brother and I. He has been a good father to us, and we have always considered him to be our dad.  I have not seen my biological father (“real dad”) since the day he left. For many years he did not keep in touch with anyone. He never helped my mom in any way once he left. Men cannot get away with that as easily in today’s world, but apparently he left the state and that was that.

When I was 18 my mother asked me what I would do if my “real dad” came in town and wanted to see me. I told her that I had no desire to see him. He didn’t want me when I was young and now he is a complete stranger. What I didn’t know at the time is that he really was in town then and he wanted her to ask me that question hypothetically. She didn’t tell me this until years later. So he left and didn’t bother us.

Life went on. I got married, had children and moved to Texas. My “real dad” wrote a six page letter to me and sent it to my mom and asked her to send it to me. Basically this letter was a confession of many things he has done wrong in his life and an apology for not being the father he should have been. He included his phone number and email address with hopes that we could stay in touch.

I no longer held a grudge against him. I let go of that years before. His letter seemed sincere and I planned on staying in touch with him, beginning with email. I shared the letter with my husband who didn’t like it and didn’t trust him, especially after reading the kind of life he had led. My husband took it upon himself to email him back and put an end to the communication between us, without my consent or permission. I was pretty upset by his actions because it was not his place.

Apparently my adopted father doesn’t like any of it either. He seems bothered by the fact that I would even consider talking to my biological father. On one hand I can understand his feelings because he has always been there for me and has been a good father for over 40 years. But on the other hand he should know that he cannot be replaced.

My biological father gave up his right to be my dad. He walked away and let someone else take his place and didn’t bother to come around for 12 years. He has regrets and just wants a chance to get to know his children he walked away from. As a Christian I feel I need to forgive him and move forward. He is a complete stranger to me. If he were to die I would kick myself for not reaching out to him.

He has retired now and moved back to the state where we used to live. Most of my family lives there. I visit once every year and plan to see him on my next trip. My mother feels that we should keep it from my dad because it will bother him. I guess that is best but I don’t like being sneaky and lying.

My brother does not know that he has retired and moved back. I’m really hoping to talk my brother in to going to see him with me. He is still holding a grudge against him for leaving. My mom is afraid if I tell my brother about it that he will tell our dad. This all seems ridiculous to me. We are all adults here. I wish we could all act like it.

forgive others


Friends in High Places?

I’m sure we all have friends in low places. You know the type, the ones who take more from you than they give. Sometimes it is good to help out a friend who has hit bottom and try to lead them back to where they need to be, but we all need friends in high places. Those friends who are always there to pray for us, give an encouraging word or even tell us the truth no matter how difficult it is are the ones we need to keep in our lives long term.


Recently I got to spend time with a couple of these friends in high places. I have a handful of these friends, some are local and some are out of state. We find a way to keep in touch with one another. It takes effort but it is always worth it! Being with these friends recharges your battery and lifts your spirits. We all have busy lives, and it is good to take time out for ourselves away from our regular routines.


One of my friends is in Oklahoma and she came to stay with me in Texas for a whole week. We got to share some needed girl time together with lots of shopping included. It was great for both of us. We have been friends for 26 years, and she was one of the brides maids in my wedding.

Another good friend I spent time with recently lives in Texas but is about 45 minutes away and we do not get to see each other as much as we would like. We went to see Chonda Pierce live and it was so much fun! We arrived early as the seats were general admission so we had lots of time to talk and catch up. We have been friends for 18 years. We actually met in Dairy Queen and I believe it was God who brought us together. She introduced herself, we hit it off and kept in touch from that moment on.


I am so thankful for these friends and others. They pray for me and encourage me. They care about me and my family. These are friends I can share both good times and bad.


There was a time when I alienated a lot of people in my life. About 10 years ago we went through a very difficult time with one of our children. Something happened to her health that changed our lives forever. No one really understood what we were going through, and I didn’t like talking about it because I was living it every day, so I kind of shut myself off from everyone except my mom. I stopped answering my phone because I didn’t want to talk to people. I didn’t want to answer their questions so it was easier to just ignore the phone.

I kept in minimal touch with close friends but thankfully these friends stood by me and understood, as much as they could, that I was going through a difficult time in my life. After several years of this I realized that I needed more and couldn’t live like that long term. I needed to hang out with friends again, to get away for a few hours and laugh until I cried or pee’d my pants! I needed a break from the daily grind of my life. We all need this from time to time. Sometimes we need a complete getaway like a vacation, but sometimes all we need is a good friend to spend time with, share and laugh with.

friends best friends

I treasure these friends and hope that I give to them as much as they give to me.

Friends (2)